NotebookHow to handle speeding tickets
I got my first speeding ticket when I was 18. I was driving my brother's Ford Explorer, which drove way better than my Jeep Cherokee, and so I didn't realize I was going 65 in a 45 until I saw the flashing blue lights. And, of course, like everyone does when they get pulled over, I fumbled out some loser excuse, saying, "Yeah, I usually drive a crappy old Jeep, and I'm not used to this, and...." I don't remember what else I said. I do remember that it was around 11:30 at night, and the cop made me take a breathalyzer.
And for some reason, I was convinced I was going to fail it. Even though I'd never had a beer, or any kind of alcohol, before in my life. (Actually, you know what, that's not true--I went to a church of a girl I was dating once when I was 17, and during communion, they served real wine. Par-tay!)
Thankfully, I didn't fail the breathalyzer. Wine gets out of your system within a year.
Tragically, that wasn't quite the only speeding ticket I've ever earned. In fact, I hit one an amazing streak around the age of 20, when I got three of them within six months of each other.
Fun times, those.
Naturally, since then, I use cruise control everywhere I go. I don't care if it's half a mile from one stoplight to the other. I get it up to 42, or 52, or whatever 7 mph over the speed limit is, and hit cruise. Sometimes I don't even go past 5 mph over.
All that to say, I really wish I'd read this story before I turned 20. Or else I would have had a lot better excuse than, "Oh, well, I didn't really SEE the speed limit sign...."
(Story [via], thanks to the awesomeness that is StumbleUpon.)
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and asked, "May I see your driver's license?"
The driver answered, "I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI."
The officer asked, "May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?"
The driver answered,"It's not my car. I stole it."
The officer asked, "The car is stolen?"
The driver answered, "That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there."
The officer asked, "There's a gun in the glove box?"
The driver answered, "Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk."
The officer asked, "There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?"
The driver answered, "Yes, sir."
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by! police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.
The Captain asked, "Sir, can I see your license?" The driver answered, "Sure. Here it is." It was valid.
The Captain asked, "Who's car is this?"
The driver answered, "It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card." The driver owned the car.
The Captain asked, "Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?"
The driver answered, "Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it." Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
The Captain asked, "Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it."
The driver answered, "No problem." Trunk is opened; no body.
The Captain said, "I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk."
The driver answered, "Yeah, I'll bet the lying jerk told you I was speeding, too!"
So, how about you? What's been your most awesome excuse ever for getting pulled over? Let us know in the comments!
BONUS MATERIAL: Fantastic traffic stop fails....and a win.
Reader Comments (3)
My lamest excuse ever was after getting pulled for going 50 in a 35: "Oh, I thought the speed limit was 45, and I was just going so fast because I was going down a hill...."
And for further bonus material--man I'm feeling generous--I'll tell you about the one time I actually got out of a speeding ticket. It was in college. Katie had been dating me a few months. I was working for a newspaper about 25 minutes from where I lived. I drove back and forth a lot, ate on the go a lot, and didn't throw my trash out a lot. Thus, there were countless bags of McDonald's and boxes of Bojangles scattered all over the floor.
So this cop pulls me, and when he asks for my registration, I go fumbling through the trash. After a few awkward minutes of this, he says, "You know what, go home and get a trash bag." Didn't even ask for my license.
Yeah. Proud of that one.
This made me laugh. I remember when I got pulled over... The cop asked me I I knew how fast I was going and I responded my telling him I must have just caught a little speed on the hill back there. Megan was in the passenger seat singing my heart will go on from titanic. The cop just shook his head trying not to laugh. He asked us if he needed to ticket us to get home safely and we said no. Oh memories!!
My best one was when I was about 23 or so. I was on my way home from a club and I was following my buddy to his place. We were on the highway and doing about 20 over. The trooper saw me and pulled me over. Here is what I said to him.
"What's the problem officer?"
Do you know why I pulled you over tonight?
Yes sir but do you?
Don't get smart. You were doing 20 over the speed limit.
That's nothing sir. You should have seen my buddy a second before me. He sped up to 30 over.
Is that right?
Yes sir. He also said that if he got pulled over he would be able to get out of it because his father is the Sheriff in the next county over.
Is that right?
Yes sir.
I then gave him my buddies plate number, address and phone number.
He told me to have a good evening and slow down.