CommentaryBecause of the Toyota Highlander Kid, I almost bought a monster truck
Personally, I enjoy Mondays. But I know everyone else hates them, and so I'll respect that by trying to cheer you up by offering this. The story of how a kid who wasn't born until I was a teenager made me want to do really stupid things. The other day, I started going truck shopping. And I don't even need a new vehicle.* It only lasted a few minutes, and I snapped out of it, and I'm fully recovered now, but those few minutes were intense, and their cause must be addressed.
*(Well, what's still somewhat passing for a car. An Explorer, actually. But no time for THAT whole ordeal right now. Some other day, perhaps. For now, just trust me when I say that publishing a book does NOT make you rich. No. Sir.)
Seen those new Toyota Highlander commercials? Yeah? That kid make you feel like a pathetic excuse of a life, or what? Watch the one below. It's one of two or three that are circulating right now.
"Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you have to be lame."
That commercial's the third one I've seen. The first one must have convinced even the kid's fictional parents to get a Highlander, because in the first one, the kid--I'm pretty sure his name's Coolpants McGee--walks across his driveway to hop into his friend's mom's Highlander. But before gets there, he points to his dad, who is clearly lame because:
1. He's wearing high socks with sandals,
2. And he's washing the family car, which is a minivan. No, minivans are, by Toyota's jerk of a spokesperson, NOT economical and practical for regular families trying to make it in this economic storm from hell. They are LAME. Go Toyota. Scoring big points with the families, oh yeah.
You know, at first, I was pretty sure this was putting parents across America in therapy. Or debt. Or both. I know this because at one point I began shopping online for psychologists in one browser window. In the other: Toyota Highlanders.
How did I GET there? I don't even have a kid!
When I first watched these commercials, I thought about how much fun it would be to shave Coolpants McGee's head. In a horizontal mohawk. But then I saw the commercials again. And again. And again. And Coolpants....he got to me, man. I don't even have kids or drive a minivan. Heck, I don't even wear socks with sandals, because I don't OWN those kind of sandals! And yet Coolpants got me thinkin', "You know what, Coolpants is RIGHT! I HAVE to get a Toyota Highlander. I AM lame!" It's like the E-Trade Baby, but worse, because all the E-Trade baby does is make you think that MAYBE you're lame for not having E-Trade* when a baby does, but he never says it. Coolpants McGee? The little jerk actually SAYS it: You're lame.
*(Or an iPad....or an iPhone....but that's a whole different point.)
That's not all--I actually started BECOMING the lame-o's from the commercials! I was driving the other day and, out of nowhere, I just started singing. AND I WAS OFF-KEY!
Oh, wait. That's nothing new.
The craziest thing about all this? For a moment, I believed that Coolpants McGee might actually be right.
The other day, I go home to visit, and what's sitting in the driveway other than--yeah, you guessed it--a TOYOTA FREAKING HIGHLANDER. Evidently my dad made my mom pick out a new car because her old one was getting the shakes, or something, and he wasn't going to stand for her to drive it around anymore.
And that's when I laughed. Look, I love my mom. Seriously. And if anyone else said anything bad about her, they'd also get a sideways mohawk to the head. But....well....she's my MOM. And as such she can be, well....um....sorta....yeah....lame. I mean, she's always encouraging me, and she's always telling me things like, "Don't drive too fast" and "Be safe" and "Have fun" and "I love you".
And you know what? Yeah, she's got a Highlander--and I gotta admit, it's kinda sweet--but she STILL tells me not to drive too fast and to be safe and to have fun and that she loves me.
YES! I thought. Coolpants McGee LOSES! Highlanders DON'T cure lameness! And I am using way too many explanation points in my thoughts!
That's when it hit me. These commercials had to have been done secretly by a monster truck company. Yes. A monster truck company. Because now I have the urge to go get one and use it to crush Highlanders. (Except my mom's.)
Because why else would Toyota let some little snot be their spokesperson?
So I got on Google again and instead of psychologists and Highlanders, I searched for monster trucks and clipper holsters and ninja suits. Yes---I was going to become a hair-clipper wielding ninja in a monster truck, hunting Coolpants McGee's Highlanders and his youthful locks.
Below are a few I wanted to test drive. But I don't really have time right now, and besides, a monster truck just isn't the best investment. So I'm tabling the whole mission for the time being. I'm sheathing my clippers. Coolpants McGee gets a reprieve.
For now.
So what do you think about those Highlander commercials? Effective, or insulting, or something else? Sound off.
Reader Comments (11)
To be completely honest.. I think these campaigns are bad move for Toyota.
I think they are funny I suppose... but it's just not good for Toyota's family brand image. I think it could work for another car brand..
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But I am with you, I would very much enjoy running Coolpants McGee over with a monster truck.
Whoa! We don't want to run over Coolpants McGee! We want to run over his Highlander, yeah, but not with anybody in it. His commercials stink, but we don't want to kill him!
(We just want to shave his head.)
But yeah, in all seriousness, I agree. Of course, I think they're going for something cute and tongue-in-cheek, but it doesn't really cross that way. Every parent hears their kids telling them how lame they are, anyway. Now Toyota's making them hear that during what might be a dad's only peace and quiet--his time watching football, or whatever.
Guess it's better PR than having Prius pedals sticking to the floor, though.
That little punk needs to be grounded and sent to his room.
Haha, no doubt about it.
agreed, the Sienna commercial is by far the worst one.....
I love being a lame highlander driver :)
Haha, yes! Even Mom stopped by!
You're maybe the most awesome lame Highlander driver ever. You keep it up. Coolpants McGee's got NOTHING on you. Word.
mom is definitely the most awesome lame highlander driver ever! haha.
she rocks it out in the highlander! :)
No doubt about it! Haha.
if you guys are being offended by a freaking eight year old CHILD in a COMMERCIAL then i feel bad for you. get a life losers if you even have one. put the cheese puffs down and go hug a tree or something and stop whining. u think i own a Toyota anything. my parents car died on us and we can't even get it out of the driveway to take it to the shop and I'm not whining. u guys make it seem like he shot the president or something lol sad excuses is what you are
Dude, we were just messing around. Relax.