CommentaryTri Update -- one of the most terrifying experiences of my life (or, my first open-water swim. With jellyfish.)
We swam here. It scared me. Just went for a swim/run brick workout with a buddy of mine, James. We swam in the channel down at Wrightsville Beach. It was my first open-water swim ever.
Also, the most terrifying thing ever.
Look, I figured it would be tough. The first time doing anything is always uncomfortable, thus more difficult than it will be most times thereafter. So I went into it how I’ve learned to go into everything related to triathlon: looking to have fun.
That said, I had no idea it would be as …. Well, one word keeps coming to mind.
Terrifying.
I get there and James and I bro-hug – you know, slap into a sideways five and then reach around to bump each other on the back; it’s super cool – then do some catching up. I hadn’t seen in awhile, so that was pretty cool. But you don’t care about that.
You want to know how badly I did. I know you do. It’s OK to admit it.
I was actually pretty stoked when James texted me this morning asking if I wanted to work out. I needed to get a few open-water swims in, and for other reasons you don’t care about, missed this morning’s swim at the Y.
So this was perfect.
Then I started thinking. Most times, thinking is good. This time, not so much.
First, how cold is that water? “About 61 degrees,” James said. I don’t own a wetsuit. And James said he wasn’t gonna wear one. “The initial shock value sucks, but you get used to it,” he said.
Right.
Oh, and speaking of initial shock value, we walk up to the water and floating literally three feet away was one of the hugest jellyfish I’ve ever seen. Then I remember how much the ocean scares me. Not the ocean itself – it’s what’s in the ocean. You ever see those videos that show all those sharks in the water with the surfers? My lands! And then I see….that friggin’ thing?
“They don’t really sting though,” James said.
OK, what do you mean by “REALLY?”, I wanted to ask. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. All I could get out was, “That’s one big-ass jellyfish.”
James laughed then said, “Alright, get changed, let’s go!”
I walk to the car, shed my shirt and flops and grab my goggles and walk back to the water, making sure to scope out where Sir Jelly is lurking and – he’s gone.
“Where’d that jellyfish go?” I asked James.
He sorta glances around. “Ah, must have just floated back out.”
Must have just “floated back out,” you say!?
“Gah, that was a big-ass jellyfish.” Not like I was dwelling on it or anything.
Then James talked about how funny it is to ride over them on surfboards and how it feels like hitting a rock. So then I knew that if I swam over something that felt like a rock, that it was cool to freak the crap out.
Except I was doing that already, anyway.
Anyway, yeah, the water was freezing. I thought it would warm up as we swam but nope, I froze. And of course, I only kept panicking. It’s just what I do in such situations.
James had to stop to wait for me four or five times, I think, and we only swam just over a half-mile. I got rocked by a few waves and fear surged through me every time a piece of seaweed or something brushed my stomach or back.
Every once in awhile I just thought, “Eff this, eff triathlon.” Eff, eff, eff.
I’m such a friggin’ baby. Seriously. Man up one time, right? But I was seriously, seriously terrified.
I don’t even have a good reason to be so scared. And this wasn’t even really “the ocean” – this was just the channel. I never saw Jaws as a kid. Saw it recently and it’s not that scary. I’ve never been stung by a jellyfish or attacked by a sea monster. Well, I have dreams about sea monsters dragging me around, but that doesn’t count.
Wait, I take that back. Not the sea monster part – the jellyfish part. While honeymooning in St. Lucia, Katie and I went snorkeling, and there were tons of the little buggers floating around. Got stung lots. Some people got stung so much they got out of the water. (But I didn’t, because I’m a manly man. As was so evidenced today.)
I’m getting something here….in St. Lucia, I could see everything. The water was so clear, I could see literally anything coming at me. In that channel? I could see my arms in front of me, and that was about it.
So that must be it. It’s what I can’t see that’s so terrifying. And it’s what I don’t know is going to happen that petrifies me.
Sorta like life, that.
I mean, look at the odds. How many thousands of triathletes go swimming in oceans and ponds and lakes every year? And how many of them get dragged to their death by monster jellyfish?
Right. Only, like, seven.
So I’ll go back out there. I’ll swim out there again. I have to. When I graduated last May, and when I got married last July, and when I moved out here to Wilmington to write my book and freelance instead of taking some other job, I decided that if something scared me, I was going to do it.
Well, swimming in that effin’ ocean terrifies me. (Funny, ain’t it, how the ocean draws me because of its beauty yet scares me when I’m in it?)
Triathlon honestly still scares me, too. I’m scared of not being good. Of not being better than others. Which is ludicrous, because look at me – I’ve been a catcher half my life. (That’s the position in baseball where you squat for four hours at a time. Really good on the knees.) I’ll probably never be able to run as fast as I want solely because of what that’s done to my knees and ankles. That’s not an excuse; it’s a simple fact.
So not doing something, (a) because it scares us and (b) because we’re scared of not being the best, is just small-minded.
Sorta like life, that, too.
Of course, the competitor in me wants to be a great triathlete. But I need to exercise a little common sense and realize that while I can and definitely will improve as I keep working harder, there will always be loads and loads of triathletes so much better than I am.
Anyway, I’ll end this ramble here, with one last thought – I survived. I didn’t get stung by any jellyfish. And embarrassed as I was that James smoked me, the guy who’s been training for four months and been all up in the paper, I still finished the workout and am better for that.
So I guess sometimes we have to endure fear before we can get over it.
UPDATE: Great, while searching Google images for a picture, I come across this article. I KNOW it's from 2008, but STILL man -- eff!
UPDATE #2: Guess it could have been worse. Check this baby out!
Reader Comments (4)
Man Up!
Facing and overcoming fears is powerful stuff. Look forward to reading more about how the training (Triathalon and Life) goes! Good job!
Thank you there, Mr. Wallstreet sir.
Well, sounds like a BLAST.
I'll definitely have to do that when I come for my visit... Naaaaat!
I'll leave that fun to you :)
Oh,
&
"I hadn't seen in a while"
doesnt make sense broski.
Just keepin my proofreading skills alive, yo.
dude! i clicked on the "UPDATE: NUMBER TWO" thing...that thing is HUGEEEE!
holy moly!
wow.