Dog BlogOn Becoming a Father
No, I haven't become a father. Yet. But Cooper has. Or at least, he thinks he might have. I promised some lighter posts after a heavy week last week, and an even heavier post today in wake of my first full funeral. Thus I hereby present the newest Cooper Guest Blog:
On Becoming a Father
by Cooper Sneed
My faithful readers, oh, how I have missed you! And how you’ve missed me! ‘Tis good to be back.
I return to the blog this day with news of great joy, to bring good tidings to all the world! For given unto me this weekend was a son, my own flesh and blood!
That’s right, people—I, Cooper Jack, am a proud papa! Hence the overuse of exclamation points!!!
Or at least, I think I am. To be frank, I'm quite confused. But whatever’s going on, I’m excited about it.
Who IS this guy?On Saturday, I met the lad: a stocky little pup, brown with white paws and a white ring around his neck. He looked just like me mixed with Haze, my aunt-in-law's 70-pound pit bull.
I don’t entirely remember ever getting to that point in my relationship with her. Of course, there was that one night when I had too much to drink … no, I'm kidding. I don’t drink. Besides, it couldn’t happen.
I love her—don’t get me wrong. And I even hump her. But it’s not, you know, sexual, like many of the stupider humans seem to think. Not you, of course, since if you are reading this then you are, by default, brilliant. But others can be less than smart.*
*(Was at the dog park once, and this little furball and I were playing, and I hopped on. My winning move is the mount-to-hump-to-flip-to-turn-to-sit-on-face. What happens is, I mount the dog, hump it, then flip him or her over, then turn and sit on his or her face. Dominance!
But then Little Furball’s owner freaked out and slapped me and said, “No, I can’t have her having any babies!” or something ridiculous like that. I said, “Madam, please! please. I don’t want your Furball’s babies, either! You owe me an apology!”)
So, no, humping Haze isn’t ol’ Cooper trying to get him his. That’s just how we alpha dogs establish ourselves as said alpha dog. So calm yourselves, you deviants.
Also, I’m pretty sure I don’t have balls. Which has a way of eliminating my babymaking ability.
And yet … it seems that my Haze and I have made ourselves a baby.
So, yes, brilliant as I am, this riddle I can’t solve. I’m also confused because Brandon and Katie keep calling him “Jack,” which I am 90 percent sure was my middle name. But I’ll keep you posted.
For now, I’m just rolling with it. Wherever he came from, the li’l pup’s fun. Except when he goes after my chewbones. They are MY chewbones! But it's all right—whenever I need to get away, I can just jump on the couch. It’s not a big jump, but he’s too short and fat.
And, yes, he also gets the mount-to-hump-to-flip-to-turn-to-sit-on-face.
Now, if only I could figure out where the bloody blue blazes he came from …
Editor’s Note: Where do you think Jack came from? Leave your crazy stories in the comments!
Seriously ... who!?
Reader Comments (6)
Baahahahaaaa...congratulations coop!
Thank you. Tell Haze I said hello.
I know where Jack came from, muahaha :D
But that is only thoughts for us humans to know, Cooper..
Those are some great pictures, Bran! Hope to come up soon and see little Jack again :) -oh, and you too, Cooper..
Thanks, Heids! Actually got the pics from screengrabs of videos I shot with my Flip camera. That thing is awesome.
Congrats on the New Addition!
Hey thanks!