NotebookValentine's Day, Part 1 of 2: Five Things That Make Valentine's Day Stupid
"So what are you doing for Valentine's Day?"
Oh, eating at this restaurant. Going to this concert. Buying her this shiny thing.
There were four of us dudes hanging out in Men's Wearhouse. Tux fitting. Brandon's getting married. Not me Brandon—the other Brandon, my best friend Brandotn.
My turn. We don't really do Valentine's Day, I say.
"How do you do that?" Tyler replied. "And you're married! That's amazing." He shook his head. "I'm not even married yet, and I'm required to do Valentine's Day!"
A few months ago, blogger and podcaster extraordinaire Bryan Allain had me on his FreshPod, and he asked me, among other things, what I thought the most overrated holiday was. Yep. I picked Valentine's Day.
Later today, or this week, my wife—the beautiful and amazing and brilliant Katie—will be guest-posting here about why she agrees with me on that. And yeah, we literally do nothing for Valentine's Day. For example, tonight, she's taking a continuing education final exam, and I'm going on Prologue in Wilmington to hawk my book.
Go romance!
Meanwhile, here are five questions to ask your sweetie pie honey bear, guaranteed to prove that Valentine's Day is stupid, too:
1. Doesn't it make you fat? What's the number one thing all guys buy their girls on V Day? CHOCOLATE! Lots and lots of CHOCOLATE! Do you really want me to make you fat, sweetie honey sugar pie snoogly bear? Of course you don't!
1b. What? Yes, I would love you even if you got fat!
2. Isn't it evil? Look at Cupid! You really want to believe that the Valentine's Angel is a GOOD GUY? He flies around with his little bow and arrows and FORCES people to fall in love! What if he misses? What if one day you wake up in love with your cat? And then you become this crazy cat lady who falls in love with cats and lives with two dozen of them and it gets so bad that you end up on a reality show? EVIL!
3. Isn't it sexist? It's so obviously catered to women it's unbelievable! Look at all that pink and purple and pretty-ness! (Also, maybe it's catered to effeminate gay dudes.) Fight the power! FIGHT THE POWER!
4. Who is St. Valentine, anyway? Popular tradition (see also: mythology) holds that he's a martyr, a Roman priest killed after illegally marrying Christians in the 1400s under emperor Claudius II. But nobody knows for sure. The St. Valentine's Feast that began the February 14 tradition was for another Valentine. And there are 12 other Valentines martyred under Roman rule. So who knows. What we know for sure: He didn't wear pink and eat little candy hearts that said "Be Mine".
5. Didn't it start out kinda whorish? This is how many believe V Day became about hugs and kisses: Romans began a mid-February custom in which boys drew the names of girls. Why? To "honor" sex and fertility goddess Februata Juno. Now that's love and romance.
Bonus: Greeting cards. They're all lame and way overpriced. And they give you papercuts.
In case it's not obvious: Yeah, I'm kidding around. I wrote this blog in like, 30 minutes, and mostly just because I knew that a blog post about why Valentine's Day is stupid would get lots of hits.
I don't actually think V Day is sexist, evil, or whorish. Although it very well may be fattening. So relax, Valentine's Day loving cheeseballs of the world. I don't hate the holiday. Besides, there are dumber holidays to celebrate. Like Halloween.
Let's face it: All of our holidays have stupid origins. My favorite is probably Christmas, and yeah, that definitely didn't start out as Jesus's birthday. But I still love giving and getting stuff, and so I just roll with it. Besides, I like any excuse I have to see my family.
Likewise, I like any excuse to love and be loved. So go ahead, cheeseballs. Valentine's Day it up.
When it comes to the people you love, it's not like you can ever love them too much.
What do you say is the most overrated holiday? Why?
Reader Comments (2)
Thanks for keeping me from Pre-Cal! This was pretty entertaining.
Valentine's Day is pretty overrated, but I enjoy it. Mom rolls her eyes whenever you tell her how awesome she is, so it's a pretty good excuse to leave little sticky notes around the house saying just that. And it's just fun, to give fun little stuff. But, I am a girl. Therefore our opinions will vary.
I think New Years is pretty overrated. Sure, it's fun to change the numbers, but it's not really a "new year" for everybody - I was born in May.. May 13 is techincally a "new year" for me. I don't know, I think it's kinda cool to be motivated to like, move forward with life. But all the celebration is crazy.
No problem there, Heids.
Interesting take on New Year's. I like it. I feel sort of the same way. Only, being a grown-up now, I have to deal with all this financial crap that revolves around the start of a new year, so it does have some significance. But yeah, I like the idea of starting our new years on our birthdays. Good thoughts. Thanks.