NotebookThe Basketball Chronicles: In the beginning....
He blew around my right side, and I couldn't stop him, and he made what seemed like his millionth layup. "Game," he said. My younger brother, Kramer, had just beat me 21-2.
I was 7 years old or so, which made him around 6. That happened a lot back then. But somehow, nonetheless, I stupidly fell in love with basketball, and eventually figured things out.
We all have it: That one thing that we can't let go. That one thing that won't let go of us. It roots inside of us, always alive, never sleeping, always tugging our minds away from our work, our hearts away from the present, keeping us in daydreams.
It can be anything. A sport. An instrument. A craft. A high.
For some of us, it's destructive. For the lucky ones, it makes us better. Whatever it is, it's invaluable: We're meant to love something that makes us feel like kids. It doesn't control us or define us, but it's an unquestionable part of us.
For me, it's basketball. Sports in general, really. Paintball. Surfing. Hiking. I love it all. I'm not especially good at it all, but I love trying. But I especially love basketball.
Once baseball ended two years ago ... it's still beautiful to write about, but playing? It got boring fast. I throw with Katie sometimes, and I catch Kramer sometimes. But for awhile, I felt a little lost. I hurled myself into writing my book, and that helped. (Of course, it was about basketball.) But still, there remained this hole. This ache. This urge to compete, to be knocked around and to knock others around. To battle. I soothed it by playing Halo for awhile, and I still enjoy a good game. Some of my and Katie's most fun nights are spent on the couch, acting ridiculous and play a ridiculous game. I tried triathlon and surfing for awhile. But those couldn't sustain me.
Then I found somewhere to play pickup basketball. I found my mend. Now, I've found a rec league to play in. It's no big deal, and the most people that have ever watched us play was maybe half a dozen. But of course, it's not about being seen—it's just about living the daydreams. It's about competing, for an hour or so, with men each just like the other—athletes turned sports junkies who had to grow up once their careers finally dipped forever behind the horizon, and now just want to play.
Basketball has sustained me. Now, any chance I get, I'm playing pickup with my brothers—my youngest, Logan, will be playing in college next year.
The losers on courts mock us for playing so hard. "I used to care," they've said. And then, for a moment, I'd want to hit them. But of course, I didn't. I've been there before, and back then, Kramer, playing with me, probably wanted to hit me, too. Nobody likes someone like that. Besides, it's just more fun when you care. It's just better.
Me. Logan. Kramer.
Now, playing is almost like this kid in me that keeps the grown-up in me sane. I'd probably survive if I couldn't play. But I don't really want to find out, not yet, because I know how horribly I would miss it. Meaningless as the games now might ultimately be, I don't want to lose them. Meaningless or not, just being able to play means everything.
Yes, we all have it, that one thing that just won't let go. I'm glad mine stuck with me.
What's yours?
Reader Comments (9)
I like the moment in my basketball career when i was in 6th grade and walked out of cuts and you said "see ya next year will." then i said no...i made the team. the look on your face was priceless. thank you for that.
So glad to know that my junior high douche-ness made you so happy. Ah, memories....
BASEBALL! Not playing, of course - but I love to watch baseball! It started with you and I'm not sure I will ever get over it. I went to the Barton baseball home opener yesterday AND I DID NOT EVEN HAVE A SON PLAYING! :)
Aw, thanks Mom! And I think it's awesome you still go to Barton's games. Team Mom for Life!
Dude it's cool. It drove me to achieve my season high of two points so thank you!
21-2!!?!!?? C'mon dude, you're better than that...
If I'm better than that now, it's because THAT happened back then. That, and you kicking our butts in 21.
How true. Wait till you know you are gonna suffer for a solid week after you play, but you still go anyway.
Never. I'll be young and invincible forever. Only except when I roll my ankle.