How To Make Your Wife Happier Than Anything

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces open his eyes. The first thing he sees: A couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up, sees his clothing in front of him, clean and pressed. He looks around the room. It's in perfect order, spotless and clean. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you!!!"

So he goes to the kitchen. The rest of the house is as clean as the bedroom. And sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at there, eating. 

Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Lady, leave me alone. I'm married!' "

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