The Lady Who Might Have Been A Prayer Ninja

 

Names have been changed to protect the innocent. And the guilty. And because I didn't get their permission to re-tell the story they told me last night. Enjoy! 

Next time you have the urge to go up to someone in public and rub their head, just think of this.

It was warm, so Mike and Dan ate outside at the burger place. The conversation was heavy, revolving God, Christianity-versus-Jehovah's Witnesses, prayer, that sort of stuff. Dan was the passionate type, and didn't care to hush his voice when discussing such things, so yeah, people could hear him.

Dan said, "I'm tired of praying for good things when all I'm doing is bad things."

That's when she appeared. She started laughing. "Ohh, he said he's praying for good things and doing bad things!" 

Then she came over. Oh, crap, Mike thought. She looked like the type from the church in town with the congregants who are ... how shall we put it? ... exuberant. And strange. Very strange. They're known to go "treasure hunting." That is, they look for people. Just random strangers, on the streets or outside of burger places. They try to save them.

So Lady Laughsalot walks up and introduces herself awkwardly. "Don't I know you from somewhere? From work, right? We work together? Or did we used to?"

No. Nope. Nah. Definitely not. 

She persists. Starts asking personal questions. About where he actually worked. If he had dogs. His love life.

Okay, not really about his love life. But it was that uncomfortable. 

Dan being nice, he talked along with her for a good five minutes. Then she left. Mike and Dan resumed talking, but for obvious reasons, the conversation had shifted. No more deep talk of praying for good while doing bad. 

Then five minutes later, she came back. Mike started praying for bad to happen to her. Not really. But he might have thought about it. 

She starts talking to Dan about his hair. "Oh my, you have such nice hair. It's so unique. So curled and rare." 

Oh, jeez, what's her game? Mike thought. Where is she going with—

"Can I touch it?"

Can I touch it? You can't be serious!

Sure, Dan says. He tilts his head forward. And she doesn't just touch it. She rubs her hands through it, back and forth and sideways, Dan's locks and curls slipping between her fingers. It's like she's massaging his head now. Her eyes are closed. Like she might be praying. 

For good things and for Dan to do good things, probably.

This goes on for what feels like forever. Probably three or four minutes. Then she stops. Dan has sex hair. Mike realizes he's next. He jerks back in his chair, rushes to his feet. 

"Can I touch yours now?" asks Awkward Lady Laughsalot Who Might Also Be A Prayer Ninja. 

"Nope!" His wife Sarah was on the way to pick him up, and no way was he letting some lady be rubbing his head when she pulled up. Even if she was praying.