NotebookThe Good, the Bad, and the Crazy in the Grocery Store Lines
Went to grab a few things from the grocery store the other night. They only had two registers open, and it was around 8 p.m., so everybody on our side of Wilmington was there. The lines were long.
Waited in the express line a few minutes. The lady in front of me had way more than fifteen items or less. More like fifty items or less. Felt for her, though. She was one of those you can tell just isn't all there. Real short. Bad skin. Bad teeth. Bad hair. No wedding ring. I always hurt for these people. But since I am also selfish and impatient, I didn't hurt too much, because, well, she can still read signs, right?
I am a jerk.
Anyway, an employee opened the register next to this one. By now, the lady in front of me was next in line, and the person in front of her was about to pay for his groceries. I moved over to the newly open register and got in line behind the only person there, who only had three or four things. Perfect.
The guy in front of me starts paying for his stuff. And then the lady from the line I just left, the lady with fifty items or less, pushes her cart in front of me.
"You don't mind, do you?" she says. "I've been waiting for a really long time."
You know that expression "My jaw hit the floor"? I've always thought it was a stupid cliche. I mean, who really reacts by opening their mouth so far and fast that their jaw hits the floor? But I'll be, that's exactly what I did. I just stood there, because she hadn't really asked a question. Oh, she'd phrased it like one, but the way she was shoving her cart into and in front of mine, it had been no request; it was, "Hey, this is what I'm doing, so, well, deal with it."
The thoughts that went through my mind were of the most unholy variety. I mean, I wasn't going to say no. I'm not that guy. I would act gracious and kind and Christian. But what I really felt was some mixture of ...
- No, I don't mind. Do you mind if I launch my cart into your back while I wait?
- We've all been waiting a really long time, dumba**. (Been watching That 70's Show a lot lately. Red gets in your head like that.)
- Are you f***ing serious?
- Maybe I should cuss less, even in my head.
- Is she f***ing serious?
- S***! S***! I did it again! Then again!
I'm so not the best person.
You know who is, though? The guy in the line that I and the crazy lady just left. He was clearly exhausted, wearing soccer clothes and covered in dirt. All he had was two six-packs. But he saw the whole thing go down, and said to me, "Hey man, you want to come back over here?"
"Dude," I said, "That would be awesome."
I could have hugged the guy. I mean, I have ten things in my cart, and it'll take him an extra five minutes to get home and shower and get into that beer, which I know he and his buddies had to be just dying for by then. Nothing's as good after a long evening of soccer or basketball or whatever than a good cold beer.
But he let this guy cut back in line after getting sort of a raw deal. Hey kids, it does pay to be nice when crazy people take advantage of your niceness. (Good thing the dude wasn't a mind-reader.)
I unloaded my groceries fast as I could, and spent the whole time bagging them and paying for them thanking the guy.
When I got home, I told Katie, "At the store, I just saw one of the worst and then one of the best sides of humanity ever."
Look, up there, I was kidding around. Sort of. I mean, yeah, I thought those things, but I really wasn't that angry about that lady. Yeah, dumb people frustrate the snot out of me, but life's too short, not to mention with too many things going on that are way bigger than grocery shopping.
So just chill, Sneed, I tell myself. (Yeah, sometimes I talk to myself.) Just chill, enjoy the good life, and save up all that anger and frustration for something really important.
Like pickup basketball.
Reader Comments (2)
I really enjoyed the article. Its so typical of shopping many places, but especially the grocery store.
Thanks!