Brandon and Katie Ruin the Katy Perry Movie

We get to the theater for the midnight premiere of The Dark Knight Rises at 10:30-ish. (Blogged about the movie here.) They start seating us at 10:45-ish. There are two theaters with "Dark Knight Rises/12:01" on the signs. Everyone starts filtering into just one of them. We'll learn quickly there's a reason for this. But first, because I'm me, I rebel.

I give Katie the "check it" nod and we duck into the second theater. I'm so stoked about scoring perfect seats at the freaking TDKR midnight premiere.

We wonder why it's so dark. We even have to turn on the Flashlight app on our iPhones. There's some sort of music playing, something on the screen. But there are already two people in the theater, so I'm like, we're totally in the right place. I mean, it said so on the sign. 

Then we look at the screen.

It's Katy Perry.

We walked into the end of the Katy Perry movie. 

And now more Batman fans are following us and sitting down. Probably a dozen or more, easy, with more on their way in.

Awesome. 

We decide to just go with it. We get our perfect seats. There are worst things to do to kill an hour than watch Katy Perry in 3D without 3D glasses, right?

She's wrapping a concert in some foreign country and the crowd is chanting something that the captions say means "We love you Katy!" She's crying. I have a reflective moment where I think, oh, you know, it's Katy Perry and she's sort of mocked for being some pop music not-really-that-talented sellout or whatever, but look at her. She's on top of the world right here. She's got thousands of people chanting her name and it means so much to her that she's crying. That's kind of tender. Kind of sweet.

And then Perry goes, "I WISH I COULD SPEAK PORTUGUESE!" 

Then I'm just like, What? You were just CRYING you were so moved by their love. But you DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WERE SAYING! You're just ASSUMING they were chanting nice things! They could've been chanting "WE REALLY WANTED BIEBER! WE REALLY WANTED BIEBER!"

Narcissist. 

But then I got all reflective again, wondering if maybe there was something even more important at work then instead, that EVEN THOUGH she didn't understand them, because we are all human beings, she could SENSE the connection, she KNEW the love was THERE, and that speaks to the majesty that is human bonding and—

"You guys are gonna have to move, you're in the wrong theater."

A theater manager is making his way up and down the rows where we Batman movie watchers to be are sitting. 

"You were told to go to Theater 1, that's down the hall on the left, you're in the wrong theater."

Oh, fudge, really dude?

The guy is not a slight man nor a sharp dresser. I mean, he's wearing a suit, but his jacket looks like an overcoat. Like five sizes too big. It's weird and makes me wonder what he's hiding under there. 

He approaches us. He sounds pissed. He sort of talks like a jerk, like we're the biggest idiots alive for being in here.

Meanwhile, Katy Perry keeps crying. 

"You guys are going to have to leave and go to the other theater."

Not really wanting to give up our seats, or, to be honest, move, because I was darn comfy, I ask, "We couldn't just wait here? The movie's almost over." 

He does not appreciate that, not one bit. 

"No, SIR, you're in the wrong theater."

"But the sign—"

"You have RUINED THIS MOVIE FOR THESE GIRLS." 

Not as much as you're ruining it by YELLING AT US WHILE KATY PERRY IS CRYING, SIR.

And now the girls below us are saying the movie's actually over, they've seen it before, it's fine, it's not a big deal. Being a large and powerful man, he raises his hand to them and says, "I'll take care of you girls in a minute."

Now Katie—my Katie; not Katy on the screen Katy—and I are just totallly creeped out. "I'll take care of you—" What the heck was that? So we hop up and head out. As we leave, the guy keeps giving us an earful about being in the wrong theater, how we're supposed to be in Theater 1 down on the left—he keeps saying that, down on the left—and he's saying it all in this tone where you just know this is a highlight of his day. Big man, telling out the a--hole wearing a BatSnuggie what to do.

He was a jolly ol' fellow. 

And that's how, before we saw The Dark Knight Rises, Katie and I totally ruined a couple of teenagers' Katy Perry movie experience.  

Oh, and TDKR? 

So worth it. 

All in all, not a bad Thursday night.