Contest: Great Moments In Sporting Failure

I feel like giving away a copy of my book, The Edge of Legend. Therefore, I declare a contest. 

Tell me, in the comments, a story of a time when playing a sport that you just totally failed. The story that makes me laugh, cringe, or openly weep the most wins the book. I pay shipping, everything. 

I'll start. 

Freshman year of high school. Baseball game, away. I'm a catcher. Pop fly foul ball. It's a big field. I sprint back after it. Hear my coach yell, "You got room, you got room!" I dive. My forehead crashes into the stadium railing. My face gets torn to pieces by the net. I collapse. My forehead swells up the size of a baseball. I come out of the game. We're losing. We make "You've got room!" our new rallying cry. 

P.S. When we figure a way to get a helmet to fit on my head, because we're still losing, I go back into the game in the sixth inning, played right field. Make one catch. Then I come up to hit. My memory's fuzzy, but I'm pretty sure it was in the top of the seventh—and final—inning, and for some reason I think there might've been two outs with a chance for me to tie the game. And I'm pretty sure I struck out on three pitches. 

P.P.S. The cut on my head ended up needing four stitches. 

A second example: 

I was like seven. The guy who lived across the street from me and I and some friends were playing soccer. Somehow I ended up standing directly in front of him. He acted like he was going to kick the ball right at my face. I ducked out of the way. He just tapped it. They laughed at me. Wanting to be brave and not a wuss, a minute later the same thing happened, only I didn't duck, because I didn't want him tricking me again. He launched it. It felt like he flattened my face. 

They laughed at that, too. 

P.S. No idea if this is related, but later in life, I would become a goalkeeper. 

All right, get to it. Comment it up.

Contest ends at Thursday at noon.